I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
