I'm gonna have a badass scar
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
