puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
