Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
