i wish my penis had a tongue
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
