Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
