I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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