i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
