Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
