I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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