True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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