Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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