I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
