I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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