a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
