my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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