Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
