I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
