Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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