Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
