You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
