"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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