She's JV to your varsity
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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