No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
