I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
