K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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