oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Alive.
So much puke
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
