Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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