Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it because I queefed?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
