Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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