If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Farmville is her only friend.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
