And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
