For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
