so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
