Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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