i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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