So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
