did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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