Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
