My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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