So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
