the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
