i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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