We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
