I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
