Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
