walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
