so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
