I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
