I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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