respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you traded sex for a burrito?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
