can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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