I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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